Parenting with Illness

How has Illness impacted my parenting?

• Conversations with my kids have become more indepth and occur more often.
• We appreciate the positive moments even more (kids and I) .
• Disappointments & missed experiences a plenty & more difficult to accept at times.
• Hesitation on mine and family’s decisions over what's the best action to take/not take. What’s reasonable, worthy & not detrimental to my health?
• Faith demonstrated and discussed
• I demonstrate and indirectly teach coping skills during difficult times, which can be helpful to my kids when the face their own personal challenges.
• Life lessons of flexibility, connections, importance of family, empathy, & unconditional love
• Less taken for granted.
• We enjoy the simpler things in life. (ex/ UNO, Clue, Coloring, Movie, Jenga)
• As a parent I am concerned about the impact that sickness has on my kids’ life. I don't want them to have unnecessary worries and wonder how much they truly understand.
• Impression of toughing it out/not complaining when nothing else can be done is modeled.
• Kids have gained knowledge and awareness of invisible illness and disabilities.
• Realization that future is uncertain & can change without a notice (good or bad)
• Unintentionally teaching them about care-taking skills - which is hard for me to grasp because I’m suppose to take care of them!! Not the other way around.
• Kids are learning to always express respect toward others because we don’t always know what someone else is going through, visible or not.
• Uncertainty when trying to make plans because I don’t know what later in day will be like, much less future days which makes planning difficult & sometimes impossible to keep.
• Mystery of how much my body will cooperate and when it will become too much. The kids witness unexpected changes and signs of pain, fatigue, nausea, etc. even during fun times.
• I worry more about what kind of role model I am for my children now. What will they think or remember about me and their childhood when I am gone? Will they only remember the tough times and sick times, will they look back & consider me weak and lazy,  will they forget how much I loved them & how much I gave emotionally to family, teaching, & survival?​ Will they remember the me (fun responsible teaching me) before my illness?
• Importance of family support is displayed continuously/
• Now I question if I will be able to be there for my kids in the way that they need me? I’d be lost without having my ​parents nearby to help drive me to appointments and being nearby to help with errands, be with me during hospitalizations, and more. What if I’m unable to help MY kids in the same way one day?
• My kids are more independent with their chores. They are learning the value and knowing how to help around house.
• Life experiences have taught them medical terminology, treatments, & possibly even new career opportunities.
• Indirectly I'm teaching them how it’s ok to ask for help, even though I often hesitate. (Honestly, THEY are probably teaching ME this more successfully than I'm teaching them.)
• My children are learning the value of not making empty promises. Honesty is best, even if it's difficult at the time.
• I'm more aware of my parenting skills, question myself more, but deep down believe that I’m doing the absolute best I can.
• My tolerance, irritability, & patience varies depending on how my day and symptoms. As a result, my children have learned to pick up on visual cues from my appearance.

In conclusion, I recognize that I can still be and still am the caring loving mother that my children need. My role as mother has not disappeared or decreased due to illness. Instead it has been altered in ways that I never expected. Worries, concerns, visions, participation, protecting, teaching, and loving my children are still very present - yet how I perceive the effectiveness of my parenting skills varies greatly, depending on my health situation and how I feel. Regardless of my illness and my lack of  being as active as I desire - my children will still receive everything they need and more from me as their mother.  For every example of what they are “missing”  as a result of my illness, there’s a replacement of something else they have learned or experienced about life instead.

My deepest goal is to raise children that……
-Experience and understand the true meaning of love and family,
-Recognize God’s blessings, comfort, and everlasting promises
-Develop empathy & kindness towards others regardless of their differences (visible or not)
-Are dedicated, motivated, and willing to strive for their dreams, even when obstacles get in the way
-Care about their personal needs (in an unselfish way) so they can take better care of their families
-Are willing to stand up and advocate for themselves (and others when needed)
-Feel the pride and love that I have for each of them
​--Are Healthy, Respectful, Respectable, Wise, Happy, & Successful in all that they choose to do in life
- Are aware of and never forget how important they are in my life and how much l love them.
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