GOD is Wonderful! This summer will make 14 years since I became a mother. Being a mother to 2 wonderful children, has been the most amazing blessing. My stepdaughter making her way into our lives, was an unexpected blessing. I love each of them with all of my heart. They were, still are, and will always be the most important part of my life. They keep me going when times are rough. Seeing their faces, witnessing their compassion, and experiencing their love provides me with strength and comfort when I am ready to give up. I am so very honored that GOD chose ME to be THEIR MOTHER. I never doubted my ability to be a great mother. From a very young age, I knew that I wanted 2 or 3 kids. Since becoming a mom, I have always done my best to teach them how to love others, how to appreciate the little things, and how to be there for family. They are not given everything they want, they do not always get their way, and they are not always perfect. And that is fine because they are well taken care of, have a supportive family, have everything they need (and more), and are loved beyond measure. Being a part of this family is not always easy, especially since my illness. The kids have seen me in excruciating pain, over the toilet with relentless nausea, unexpected hospital visits/stays, and too tired to lift my head. Gastroparesis is not well liked by the kids or me. For a while, I fought as hard as I could to be "normal". (Hopefully I can regain my status to the "pretend to me normal" status soon.) After my initial diagnosis and the placing of my feeding tube, I tried to continue being the same type of active mother I had always been: cooking, ball practices/games, backyard practices, vacations, etc. This past summer, there were days when I was not physically able to be an active participant in their lives. I was tied down to my recliner with my heating pad. Some vacations they took without me. Deep sea fishing and theme park hopping were not on the list of things that I could do. I physically became unable to practice sports in the backyard, became unable to drive, unable to attend their practices, and sometimes even had to miss a game. Eventually, I began feeling as if I was not a good mother. I felt guilty for everything that I was unable to do as their mother. With God's help, I have come to the realization that I was so wrong. Gastroparesis and it's symptoms may have changed me as a mother, but it could not and would not define me as a mother. True, I can't do everything as I had before, but I am still a great mother. I love my kids, all 3 of them, unconditionally. I am their number 1 fan and supporter. I am ALWAYS here for them emotionally. I am so very proud of them and all of their accomplishments. God has blessed our family in so many ways. We may not always know why certain things happen, but we accept HIS plan for us.Being sick or physically down, doesn't change that. I admit, motherhood has altered for me. But hasn't it for everyone. My fears and guilt were senseless. I have not become weak, just different. I continue to teach my children how to become strong and independent adults. I continue to teach my children how to love. I continue to teach them what unconditional love between a mother and child looks like. And I continue to teach them about God's love and blessings. Coincidentally, the very things that made me feel guilty as a result of my illness, have actually been new lessons for my kids. They are now being taught that everything in life is not always perfect, and that's alright. Deeper conversations replace the backyard playing and practice sessions. They are learning how a family support system works. They are learning to never give up and how to always keep hope alive. They are learning how to advocate for themselves and others. They are learning that God works in mysterious ways. They are learning that prayers are answered in God's time. Most importantly, I am their mother and will always be their mother. No illness can ever take that away. My kids will always have my heart and unconditional love.
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I have always listened to music. As a teenager, I always had the newest tapes - yes tapes, until CDs rolled around. I didn't really have a specific genre, just listened to all types of songs. During college and my adult years, I found that I listened to whatever my husband played. I never really cared what was playing. I enjoyed a little of everything. When by myself or in my car, country music was usually playing in the background.
Things have changed since my diagnosis. This past Christmas my husband gave me some earbuds as a gift. I told him thank you, but in my mind I was asking why? Why would he choose to give me ear buds when I don't even listen to music unless I'm in the car or he's grilling out. I don't know if he's realized the magnitude of the gift of music or not. This one small gift, earbuds, has helped me during some of my darkest most difficult times. My phone is loaded with songs, some country, a couple R&B, but mostly contemporary Christian. Whenever I am in physical pain or feeling emotionally down, my favorite relaxing playlist is roaring in my ears. Music has changed me. Music inspires me. Music comforts me. Music keeps me moving forward. I have found many various songs and artists that I enjoy and even depend on. I have shared a few below, all which can be heard by clicking on the song's name. Hopefully, you will enjoy them as well. Inspires me This is My Fight Song by Rachel Platten I just ran across Rachel Platten's song this past week, thank you Twitter, and it has already become one of my favorites. The chorus is the part that really catches me, which I have shared below. (Click the song title to hear the song.) There are so many days that I just feel like I have nothing left inside of me to fight with. Gastroparesis takes a really tough toll on my body, between nausea, pain, fatigue, and dehydration. Sometimes activities as easy as getting dressed can use up all of my spoons. But this is NOT the life that I intend to live. I will keep fighting, not only for my family and me, but for all that suffer from Gastroparesis or depend on feeding tubes. This is OUR life, and it's time to TAKE OUR LIFE back. I'm going to successfully get mine back by keeping my hope alive, which I admit is really difficult at times and by continuing with my advocacy efforts. Move by Mercy Me Mercy Me has been a song that I have relied on for the past few months. The lyrics really hit home with me and provide me with a positive message that keeps me going. There are many days that I am so worn and defeated. Sometimes, I feel like giving up on myself, on my doctors, or even advocating. Giving up would be the easiest thing to do, just not the logical choice. But I can't give up! I won't give up! I know that GOD has brighter days ahead of me. I just have to follow his path. I know that my family, especially my kids need me and I owe it to them as their mother to keep fighting. I realize that there are so many others struggling with Gastroparesis, some much worse than me, and unfortunately many without the support that I have. I can't let them down. I have to keep moving! Things are going to go wrong sometimes, I get that. I will feel lost sometimes, I get that. Yes, my struggles and battles will feel heavy at times. BUT, I WILL keep moving. May be slower, may be different, but I will keep moving because everything's going to change. God has brighter days ahead. Comforts me Strong Enough by Matthew West Recently, music has not been just for enjoyment purposes. I never truly grasped how amazing listening to music, especially music about God's presence and love can be, until this past January when I was at my lowest. Now, when I am in distress pain and other awful symptoms, I turn to music for comfort. Sometimes it works better than others, but I always gain at least a little comfort. I have a numerous songs on my Calming Playlist. I listen to my playlist daily, sometimes all day, just to feel God's love and arm around me. I attempt to be strong, day in and day out, especially for my children. But sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I'm not strong enough. And though it's difficult to accept, it's alright. I have learned that I don't have to be strong enough all of the time. God is here, by my side, to give me strength. If I am giving up, by allowing God to take control and be strong enough to help me, that's alright. I just can't give up all alone. Mind Singer Carry Me Now by Josh Wilson Have you ever had a song, that sounds like the lyrics were written about you, from your own personal thoughts and feelings. The next song, by Josh Wilson, is like that for me. Chronic illnesses are awful. Knowing that no cure is available and things may never improve, can be extremely heart breaking. Gastroparesis has led me down many emotional paths, while trying to treat the symptoms. Every time I hear "Carry Me", I lose myself in the lyrics of the song. There are days that I can control or better yet, handle my symptoms with medication and my heating pad. But there are too many days that I have to endure horrible abdominal pain that breaks me, nausea to the point of heaving or vomiting, fatigue that keeps me grounded, bloating to the point of exploding, all which make receiving formula (nutrition) impossible. These days make me so weak physically and emotionally. There are times when I have to miss out on things I love and enjoy, most involving my kids. Additionally, sitting by the sidelines watching the school year slip by without me in the classroom has been tough as well. Through it all, I have tried to stay as positive and strong as possible. I have asked, pray, and even pleaded with God to carry me. I have depended on him carrying me when I'm exhausted, sad, scared, hurting, tearful, and even losing my patience. Music has had a positive impact on my life, especially in the past 6 months. I have a new appreciation for music, found many songs that I was unfamiliar with it, and new artists to follow. I still enjoy listening to a variety of music styles and am always searching for new songs to add to my playlist. Maybe one of your favorites. I welcome you to share some of your favorite songs and their role or impact in your life. This blog is different from most. It is not about me. It is simply about a victory won in a quest for Gastroparesis Awareness! Exciting news, for me anyway. Melissa, Becky, and I have been in contact with UNC FGIMD center a few times about needing information about Gastroparesis in the public eye. They listened and have been trying to assist us in our mission. They contacted Dr Koch at Wake Forest to write an article about Gastroparesis. YAY! Last week they published their Spring edition of their DIGEST newsletter online and in print. The article about Gastroparesis is very informative for patients, medical providers, and the general public. They definitely did not disappoint me. To add icing on the cake, some of our links were shared in the additional resources section. https://www.med.unc.edu/…/professio…/digest/digestspring2015 Why do I blog? Why do I share my personal life to the public? I was asked this question today. Why? At first I didn't truly know how to respond. Anyone that knows me personally, knows that I am usually a very shy and private person. At least I used to be. Living with Gastroparesis has changed me. I have shared time and time again about it's negative impact on my life. There have been a few positive changes as well, though often hidden or overlooked due the horrible symptoms. New friendships has definitely been the brightest silver lining. Blogging has become the most recent. So why? Blogging came upon me by accident. It began when WEGO Health invited me to partake in a challenge for Health Activist. I agreed to participate and asked my friend to accept the challenge as well. WEGO Health sent us an email with a different prompt for each day of the month. We were to write an entry and then share it on twitter with a #HAWMC. I have to admit that we were surprised when we read some of the prompt ideas. I'm not sure what exactly we were expecting, but we learned very quickly that this challenge was not going to be easy. Some of the prompts were very personal. But you know what? We survived and it was very insightful for me. Blogging opened my eyes to a new world. To begin with, I shared on Twitter and also shared some of the articles relating to Gastroparesis in my Support Groups. After receiving positive feedback from the GP community, I was encouraged to continue writing. But it wasn't until I sat down and actually went back to read my own blogs, that I realized the importance of blogging. I knew that my writing could help others see a different side of me, I never imagined that they helped me see a different side of me. Through my writing, I saw how fragile and bleak my life seems at times while also witnessing my strength, endurance, and faith. While trying to offer hope and inspiration to others living with GP, I was actually inspiring myself. That's when I decided to create my own personal website (blogging) page. I created my blog GastroparesisCrusader.weebly.com to help others understand Gastroparesis while also helping fight for a cure and better treatments. But most importantly, for me. I have found blogging empowering, regardless of the nature or the topic. My writing challenge with WEGO has now ended. I am no longer given a daily prompt to write about. So will I stop writing? Absolutely not. So back to the question. Why do I blog? I blog to educate the public about Gastroparesis. I blog to help spread awareness. I blog to connect with others and hopefully inspire them to keep hope alive. I blog to allow my family and friends understand my life and what the battles I fight. I blog to put my emotions in words. I blog to understand my self. So the question is, do YOU blog?
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Trisha BundyA proud mother, educator, Gastroparesis & GI Motility Disorder Advocate, Like my content? Want to thank me with a small token of appreciation? https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LH7R639ORBML?ref_=wl_share
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