Currently, I am trying my best to prepare mentally for this surgery. If you had asked me a few weeks ago about how I felt about this upcoming surgery, I would have replied that I was very excited and ready, with no reservations or worries. I felt so brave! Though I still feel confident that this surgery is necessary and that it has the possibility of improving my quality of life while decreasing some of my troublesome symptoms, I am becoming extremely nervous.
As the surgery date draws nearer and nearer, I am becoming more and more anxious and even scared. I do not fear or even second guess the choice that my medical team and I made, but instead fear the reality of what life will be like afterwards. If there's any improvement at all, no matter how small, the surgery will be worthwhile. I am well aware that it will not be a "cure all". I will still have other issues that aren't completely resolved within my digestive system, will most likely still need my feeding tube to aide in nutrition, and still have some symptoms. BUT, less symptoms or less severe symptoms would be a very welcome change! Not to mention, the relief of no more colonic issues! What a sigh of relief that will be! It's just difficult to prepare for something you've never truly experienced.
How painful and how long will the recovery period be?
How well will my body, mind, and family accept the "new" me and my lifestyle changes?
I have faith that God and my loved ones will help me survive this upcoming battle, but it's still scary. While trying to remain realistic, I can't help but hold on to high hopes. I just pray that I don't set myself up for heartbreak or disappointment in the process.
As my new journey begins, I will try to remain positive.
I am envisioning a majestic rainbow following a severe thunderstorm. It may be a rough ride for a while, but something beautiful and calming will appear when it's all said and done.