Over the past few weeks I have been looking closely at my values.
What do I value most? How can I feel valued? Which values should I fight for, even if other values are neglected as a result? If I were to grade my day based on values, what would it be? I can't even begin to explain the thought process and answers to these questions. The things I value most: God & Family easily! However, it's not that simple. I still have to hold value for Health, as without improving my health, I can't function as a mom. In order to improve my health I have to improve my nutrition intake - yet the more I try the worse I feel, thus decreasing ability to be the "mom" I want and need to be. Thus I see my doctors/specialists regularly. I attend each appointment in hopes of discovering a treatment that will help. I willingly try any suggestions and medicines. Currently my medicines are a Catch 22, help some symptoms while making other worse. Yet, without them I feel awful as well. The appointments, themselves, are draining to me; sometimes increasing dreadful feeling or if not already in a flare, a new flare begins. The following day I am so fatigued that I must rest. Which, yet again drives me further away from being the mom I want to be. Advocating has helped me educate the public about my illness, in hopes of finding better treatment options or a cure so that my health can improve and lead to being a more actively engaged mom and person. Letting go of my fears and literally sharing my health journey with the world, has linked me to some amazing people. Some with gastroparesis like me. Others with chronic illnesses such as crohns, colitis, cancer, fibro, cystic fibrosis, arthritis, etc that appreciate the importance of awareness while also understanding how emotionally and physically draining life can be day after day. From these personal connections and even friendships I gain inspiration to continue fighting, yet also share tears when things are rough. As a part of advocating, I've also shared my health journey as well as general gastroparesis information with medical providers, media outlets, medical researchers, etc via Twitter. Though I personally have no desire to let others in on my personal life - I have and will continue to in order to hopefully improve awareness and help find a cure to help others, including myself. They need to know that patients are real people. They need to see the personal side of illnesses and gain knowledge of illnesses that are not commonly known, so they too can help us reach our goal of being healed and returning to life. Online Support groups have also become important as they offer me an opportunity to learn more about my illness, new treatment options to consider, outlet to share frustrations, and help others along the way. Yet, sadness and despair when members are struggling and even sometimes pass away. Advocating and participating in online groups takes time away from family and uses up very precious energy. Resting, improves energy, but takes time away from family and even causes me to miss out on fun activities. Joining in activities with my family, puts me at risk for increasing dehydration, malnutrition, fatigue, and other symptoms. So I have to be careful and choose wisely. Running feeds or intaking oral nutrition, increases my pain and nausea, which keeps me from actively living. So in this web of values, how can I measure one when all are impacted with every move I take? Which values do I fight the hardest for, when other values are always compromised? God and Family may be my top priorities and values, yet how can I achieve them without health, which for gastroparesis, requires advocating, connections, drs appointments, awareness, and new treatment options? I would love an easy answer - yet, unfortunately, I don't think there is one in this case. So what shall I do? I will strive to live in the moment. Make choices as they come; sometimes on the side of safety, other times taking chances. I'll face consequences the best I can, while trying to listen to my body, yet also attempting to "LIVE" with my family and not just alongside them. Knowing that God is always with me. Whatever happens, happens. Yet, I'll always try to improve things for my new found friends (GPers & beyond) as well as myself, by raising our voices together for better health care and treatments. I am not alone! I'm never giving up! I am Me! I'm in God's hands and will continue to trustingly follow the path he sets before me. I can't place a value on my life, so why try to place a value on my values?
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Trisha BundyA proud mother, educator, Gastroparesis & GI Motility Disorder Advocate, Like my content? Want to thank me with a small token of appreciation? https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LH7R639ORBML?ref_=wl_share
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