Everything in life is a mystery developed by choices we make. Some choices come easily, others more difficult due to individual circumstances. How we choose to perceive our situation, which dreams we choose to fight for, which ones we allow to disintegrate, are up to us. Sometimes walking (or running) through one door opens new doors while closing others. Choices we have before us today are not necessarily going to be an option tomorrow. Similarly, a different choice yesterday may not have brought us to the same place we are at today. Living in the moment, choices made right now, are actually the only control we have. One of my current struggles right now is regarding how to best live, how to make the most meaningful choices, while also working within my health limitations. I grew up being told that I could choose to be anything I wanted. I tried to teach my personal children and elementary students that anything is possible if you just stay focused and work hard enough. I know that this can be the case for some, however, life just doesn't always work out the way that we intend or envision. Different cards are cast than we ever imagined. Sometimes these unexpected experiences may be positive, other times painful or confusing. Sometimes our experiences are a result of choices we personally made, sometimes they may be the result of following God's plan. I don't believe that we can ever entirely prepare ourselves for how we will handle all of the choices ahead. But instead, we must try to figure out where we are right now and where we foresee ourselves wanting to be. Choosing which sacrifices are worthwhile and which moments are worth living. Right now, I feel as if I'm living in shadows. Daily, I am faced with the choice of determining when, where, and how I want to appear to others. Like a shadow, I am more visible on days when the sun shines brightly. Days when my eyes see clearly and recognizes all of beautiful blessings around me. Days when I feel warm, cozy, and comfortable with who I am and the direction that my life is going. Even on those days, my silhouette is all that may be visible, a dark outline or contour of the person that people would like to see or I'd like to be. Living in shadows may protect me in some aspects, keeping me hidden, but can also hinder me from enjoying all of the great things life possibly still has to offer. As a shadow, I may appear present, but in fact it’s often just a faint representation of me on the surface. Though I may be seen, I'm not actually involved, at least not in the way I would like to be. My shadow is simply a dark patch poorly imitating my desired actions. A portion of my details, the specifics, the qualities that I possess are often missing or lost in the murkiness of shadows. Living in shadows can successfully shelter me from some pain or shortcomings. On "stormy" days, living in shadows helps me to disappear, protecting my family from witnessing too much of the undesirable me. Unfortunately, living in shadows can also lead to many missed opportunities and increased self-isolation. My choice in the matter is, do I want to continue living in the shadows or step out in plain view? Am I brave enough to step out of the shadows and participate in all life has to offer, take more risks in order to accomplish more purpose and delight? If so, where and how do I draw the line between healthy and unhealthy decisions? How do I determine which risks are worth taking and which are too dangerous or unwise under my current circumstances? I don't want to be just a reflection of myself, I want to be me. At the same time, I don't want to bring on additional storms for my family to witness and endure. I don't want to cause additional strain and worry on their parts or increased despair for me to survive, so is it more practical to just be the shadow on the wall? Possibly my choice ultimately depends on my circumstances for the day, taking each choice at face value and considering which side of the battle I'm willing to accept. Which options are most tolerable and worthwhile; which options are too risky; which options are most desirable for me right then; consequently what kind of regrets, if any, will there be? At the present moment, I try to make the wisest choices based on my emotional and physical wellbeing. The difficulty lies in complex choices, when I end up having to risk one to achieve the other. Admittedly, in retrospect, I don’t always succeed and many times end up facing more severe consequences than expected. However, that’s not uncommon in life, just more noticeable to me now, I guess.
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Trisha BundyA proud mother, educator, Gastroparesis & GI Motility Disorder Advocate, Like my content? Want to thank me with a small token of appreciation? https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LH7R639ORBML?ref_=wl_share
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