Psychotherapy? You have seen it on TV, watched it on movies, read about it in books, and most likely have heard about it from people surrounding you. It's likely that your friends, family, co-workers, and medical providers have said a thing or two about therapy as well- maybe even suggested it! In fact, you most likely already have your own personal beliefs.
You probably already know everything there is to know about psychotherapy, right? Isn't therapy for the mentally ill? If people learn that I have a psychologist will they think that I'm "crazy" or that I'm too weak to handle my own life? Shouldn't I be able to solve my own problems? It will just be a waste of time. It's not like I am sad or depressed all of the time. If my doctor suggests that I seek therapy, then they are simply implying that my illness must be "all in my head." Does any of this sound familiar? I mean, what's the purpose of a psychologist anyway? Why pay someone else to listen to me vent when I could talk with my friends or family for free. All a psychologist is going to do is write down everything I say and then blame my problems on childhood experiences, stress, or maybe even my imagination. They don't know me, they don't care about me, and they surely don't understand the battles that I am going through. Well you know what? If you agree with what I've said thus far, I promise you that you are not alone. I was in the exact same thought mode until I finally "gave up" and followed the advice of one of my doctors. Initially, I was heartbroken because I trusted my primary doctor. I thought he cared about me and wanted to help me. Him suggesting I attend psychotherapy felt like a stab in the back. I had been struggling with my illness for a few years, unable to eat or drink without pain and nausea, unable to actively participate in everything I'd like to, and now he was giving up on me? Because I wasn't healed yet, he must have believed it was all being manifested "in my head." (Just to clarify, my Dr did not believe it was in my head. He just felt that having a therapist to talk to may help me deal with understanding my life with chronic illness. He encouraged me to reach out because he actually DID CARE about me.) So what was I to do? After much consideration, I gave in. I reluctantly went to see this psychologist (I'll refer him as Dr.P) just to prove that I wasn't crazy and that I could survive just fine on my own without therapy. There was nothing wrong with me mentally, I was sick PHYSICALLY. How could he help me? He wasn't going to make my digestive system start functioning again, he wasn't going to help me get rid of my feeding tube, he couldn't make me "well" again. I thought, maybe if I went and convinced Dr. P that I didn't need his help, that I was strong enough to handle things by myself, then my other doctors would stop suggesting therapy and come up with an effective treatment to heal me. So how did it go? Interestingly enough, I was admittedly stubborn. I went to the first few visits trying to prove that I did not need to be there. I proudly shared my coping skills and how they helped me, explained my illness thoroughly. I discussed how I survived and regrouped from a depressing time all on my own by finding new friends that could relate to my struggles and re-discovering purpose in my life by participating in an online advocacy group. I stated how blogging helped me learn more about myself while also spreading awareness to anyone else that chose to read my post. After our first visit, I felt powerful. I didn't break down, I didn't appear weak, I was in control, and I was going to make it clear that therapy was not needed. I informed him about my concerns over what would be documented in my medical record. I did not want to be judged by future medical providers. I was fearful that being in therapy would mark my record and make it hard for me to be taken seriously from my future doctors, especially ER & hospital doctors. I was even brave enough to email him my a copy of my personal medical story that I had written and other information regarding Gastroparesis, just to make it clear that I was perfectly fine, just sick. My thinking was that if I had to be there, the least I could do was educate him on life with my illness. I honestly didn't know if he would even read what I sent, not sure if I even expected him to read any of it, but I felt empowered standing up for myself. The next couple of appointments were very similar. Slowly and cautiously I began to let my guard down. I was surprised and impressed to discover that he actually did take the time to not only read what I had sent, but appeared to show interest in what I shared, and truly listened to me and what I had to say during our appointments. Eventually, I began to trust him. Now I feel comfortable enough to open up with him completely, which is extremely important if I want to continue to learn more about myself and how to best cope with the emotions that are created from life with a chronic illness. Do I feel that seeing Dr. P is beneficial? Absolutely! I know that my illness is real. But I also know that the emotions that occur as a result can be difficult to process. I am more than just my illness. Yes, my life is impacted and limited by my illnesses more than I would like to admit, more than I would like to accept. However, learning how to better manage my personal disappointments and emotions is definitely beneficial. Dr. P has never belittled me or pressured me to reveal more than I was ready to. He met me where I was. As much as I'd love for him to tell me what to do, how to feel better, the best route of action, etc - that's not what happens. He patiently guides me to investigate my own thoughts, feelings, and fears. He listens without judgement, truly listens. I appreciate how he actually hears what I'm saying, converses with me, understands me even when I don't, is able to repeat or summarize my thoughts (usually in ways that make more sense than the way I said them), and even asks difficult thought provoking questions. He never writes, criticizes, downplays, or makes me feel as if I'm being interrogated. I value the way he communicates with me, never making me feel intimidated. Yes, I can and do talk with my family and closest friends. But it's not the same. My family doesn't truly understand how I feel and I'm not sure that I honestly want them to. Talking with my closest friends, who happen to have similar health journeys, is always helpful but I hate to burden them when they are already fighting their own health battles. With my psychologist, I don't have to protect someone else's thoughts or feelings. I don't have to worry about hurting someone I love or making them worry about me. I can be myself, without pretending or putting up a fake front. With his help, I can unleash feelings that I don't even realize I am hiding, talk them out, understand the reasoning to why I may have those feelings, and determine how to effectively sort through them. Never once have I felt judged for what I've said or felt. It's common for people dealing with chronic illness's to feel insufficient, sad, angry, frustrated, useless, guilty, and scared sometimes. It's normal for us to feel like we are less, that we have lost our purpose, that we are a disappointment or burden to our families. It is also normal for us to be much more critical of ourselves than others are of us. Having a chronic illness is a difficult journey to accept, our "old" lives are no longer the normal that we once knew. Instead we have a new normal that we have to learn how to navigate. It may not be easy, personally I'm still working on navigating my path, but it is possible. Having a psychologist will not immediately solve all of your problems. They will not cure your physical illness. You will not leave all of your appointments feeling happy and carefree, especially if you are able to be openly honest. If therapy is effective and productive, you will have emotional moments. And that's okay! I have realized that seeking out help is not a sign of weakness. Quite the contrary, it takes a lot of courage and strength. Therapy is not a quick fix, there's not an easy answer. It actually takes a lot of work. Dr. P is excellent at guiding me through metacognition, wonderful at facilitating my search for inner peace and acceptance, intriguing me with deep thought-provoking questions, but I have to put in just as much effort, if not more. Together, we have discovered that writing is an effective way for me to express myself. Each week I have an assignment or two to complete, which typically involves me writing on a topic that we will then analyze together. The task is usually challenging, but without a doubt, very worthwhile. If I am able to gain the skills to accept my "new" life as well as become more patient and understanding with myself during the horrendous symptomatic days, then I would consider therapy a success. Keeping my mindset and spirits positive can be a very demanding and troublesome task, especially when I feel so awful and miss out on special life events. If I am able to eventually achieve inner peace and the ability to keep fighting with the never give up mentality, no matter how difficult my health journey is, then wouldn't you agree that therapy was beneficial? Would I recommend psychotherapy? Yes! I honestly believe that therapy can be a lifesaver if you find the right provider for you. Not all psychologist are the same. They all have their different methods, different specialties, different perspectives, and unique personalities. In order for therapy to be beneficial, you must find someone that you feel comfortable with and can trust. If you are uncomfortable or intimidated by your psychologist, find another one. Psychologist are trained experts. They possess the knowledge and education to recognize and reveal personal thought patterns. But ultimately the success of therapy is dependent on a positive partnership. You must be willing to interact and collaborate with your psychologist with mutual respect and honesty, while also attempting to complete all "homework" assignments. It's not easy, that's for sure. In conclusion, please don't let your misconceptions about psychotherapy hinder you. I almost made that mistake. Seeking help from a psychologist is not a sign of weakness, is not a sign that you are crazy, does not signify that you are giving up, and does not mean that your illness is "all in your head." Therapy can be a great resource if you are able to find the right doctor for you and give it a true chance. Therapy can help you rediscover how to live with your chronic illness, how to survive, and how to stay afloat during life's most tortuous storms.
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Trisha BundyA proud mother, educator, Gastroparesis & GI Motility Disorder Advocate, Like my content? Want to thank me with a small token of appreciation? https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LH7R639ORBML?ref_=wl_share
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