Life is full of choices, but how do you know which choices are the best for your health, mind, and spirit? Many times I found myself faced with decisions that I don't know how to answer. Sometimes I choose to follow my heart while other times I use my logic, sometimes decisions are made in the best interest of others, but then there are times when I try to look out for myself. At all times I try to consider which option, which road, God would want me to follow. I'm not always successful with making the absolute best choices. I mess up sometimes, but usually have good intentions. So what are some of the choices that left me Torn?
Medications v/s Side Effects - outweighing which offers more benefit and less risk Accompanying family to store, movie, or restaurant v/s Staying home - trying to find the balance between enjoyment with loved ones and energy reserves and depletion afterwards Fight it out v/s Ask for medical assistance - struggle that happens often as I sometimes allow my "bravery" to actually become "stubbornness" due to fear of what medical attention may mean Surgery or not - Luckily for the most part I feel like I've made the best decisions possible here, but once again considering possible benefit v/s possible risk Living v/s Giving Up - pretty self evident choice there. Left considering how much am I willing to allow my family and I to endure. Luckily Faith and Love has helped me pull through, though some days are much more demanding than others. The largest and probably the most difficult decision in my life, currently, revolves around working. For a long time, according to my family, too long, I attempted to continue teaching while trying to figure out my health. I was not as effective as I wanted and maybe should have been, but did the absolute best that I could do under the circumstances. I struggled, was required to miss a lot of work due to health and health related appointments, and found myself prioritizing my students class experiences before my personal well-being. I truly ran myself into the ground until my body finally crashed. After being out on short-term disability with the school system for almost a year, I was forced to decide by July 1, 2015 if I was going to be able to return to work or if I needed to apply for extended short-term with the school system. Hesitantly, I made the difficult choice (even though my health was not truly giving me a choice) to give up my position at my school. I loved being the 5th grade science teacher there, but going on extended sick leave to achieve better health was requiring me to not only lose my 5th grade position, but also my school. I was told that when I became able to return to work, Central Office for my school system, would determine which school I would be assigned to based on vacancy needs. Due to my health, pain, energy, and upcoming surgery at the time, I bit my pride and tearfully cleared my classroom. As difficult as the decision was, looking back I know for a fact that it was the best option for me as the surgery did occur and recovery was, well, quite a challenge physically and mentally. As heart-breaking as it was, closing that chapter of my life and putting my health first was a necessary and worthwhile choice. But here I am again. My extended sick leave is ending in a couple of months, and once again I am left with a choice. A choice that is dependent on not only myself but also my medical team. This choice is leaving me torn and fearful. I have to decide if my medical team and I believe that I should apply for long-term disability from the school system (which would heartbreakingly require me to resign from my dream career at the age of 38) or attempt to return to work before December. Honestly, as hard as it is for me to admit, I understand that long-term disability for now is quite possibly the best and only reasonable option at this time. I am still struggling with my health, energy, and at times emotional state. I currently require IV hydration a three times a week, which requires home health to come out twice a week to manage my PORT. In addition, I have medical appointments that are necessary for monitoring my health status, managing my medical devices, and maintaining mental stability. All of which would require a lot of time away from the classroom. When considering my options, I have numerous questions that enter my mind. What can I do to return to better health and once again become the teacher I pride myself in being? Is it still within my realm of possibilities? How can I be the best possible teacher, providing my students with the leadership and knowledge they deserve, and still be available for much needed medical appointments & therapies? How can I be a positive role model, effective teacher, and successful in the "working" world when I can't even attend a movie or short errand without drastic physical consequences for days? Due to my lightheadedness and often symptomatic spells, without warning, my family (and I) still don't feel safe enough for me to even drive. How could I be responsible for a class of 30 kids? Would I create more harm for myself? Would I put children's well-being at risk? Deep down, I know the answer to the majority of these questions. It's just very difficult for me to completely accept the reality sometimes. But then the decision is not completely mine to make, is it? I am going to have to place my trust in my medical team once again. I have to trust that they know what is in my best interest and will help me make the most appropriate decision for my health and well-being.
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Trisha BundyA proud mother, educator, Gastroparesis & GI Motility Disorder Advocate, Like my content? Want to thank me with a small token of appreciation? https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LH7R639ORBML?ref_=wl_share
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