Days like today I can't help but wonder why?
Why do I keep trying? Why do I keep allowing my heart to be torn? My physical struggles are difficult enough, So why do I keep letting my guard down emotionally? Witnessing others' battles, day in and day out, within the groups is tough. I have debated trying to distance myself, but then someone may be left to fight this battle alone. I've attempted separating my GP life from my personal life, but how is that even possible when my health is such a major part of my current life? Selectively I choose which friends to connect with on more personal levels, which friends to trust and strengthen my ties of communication. But when those friends hurt, when those friends die, It's like a dagger stabbing my heart. Emptiness and numbness become so overwhelming But without letting friends in, who would I be? Some "friends" have disappeared since illness consumed me. Those that remain don't truly understand not like the friends I've connected with online. They have great intentions and mean well, I know, they too, are concerned, pray, and care. But only those living it can truly grasp what we endure. My newest friends I have never physically met, may never have the opportunity to physically meet, But their friendship is valued greatly and is very real. The friends I let in, along with my family of course, become the strength behind my smile, The very smile that hides my tears but also shines with joy. They are the encouraging voices behind my fears. They motivate me to live with purpose, share my story, and fight. They remind me of the beauty in life that still exits, Remind me of why I can never give up. They redirect me to family, faith, and love when I become weak. I treasure my loved ones, I treasure my friends, both new, old, near and far. I know that I must be willing to face hurt and sadness in order to experience love. The tears just don't become easier. Walls eventually become stronger and taller, More difficult to break down and enter. I become frozen, lost and uncertain of how to move forward. But soon I realize that the pain of losing dear friends is a small price to pay for the friendship, talks, and smiles that were shared along the way. So here I'm left reflecting and appreciating all that I have, full-heartedly loving those that are close and dear to my heart, while remembering and missing those who have left too soon. Thankful and blessed for all the amazing people that GOD has arranged to be a part of my life journey. © 2016 Trisha Bundy ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
1 Comment
Gail Passanisi
6/27/2016 10:14:37 am
You spoke my truth of the last seven years. Thank you for letting me in a little!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Trisha BundyA proud mother, educator, Gastroparesis & GI Motility Disorder Advocate, Like my content? Want to thank me with a small token of appreciation? https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LH7R639ORBML?ref_=wl_share
Categories
All
More Blog Entries
March 2024
|