I am bewildered at how I can experience so much pride and joy, while also feeling like my body is going to completely collapse from nausea, pain, and fatigue. Let me explain..
This year has been an awful year for my health, even though I had high hopes in Dec that this would be the year my health improved and turned around, finally! So far not the case. Yesterday, was a very important, worthwhile, and valued day for my family, my students, and me. I have not been in the classroom, or even been able to visit my fifth graders since late Oct. Though I was already feeling drained and nauseous, I was also eager to surprise them with a visit. I slowly (because that's how my body works now) made it to the back hall of the school, stopping before I entered to lean against the wall and catch my breath. I had 3 classes to visit, all right there together. I didn't know what to expect from the students, it had been so long since I had seen them. However, the reactions of my Homeroom floored me, the other 2 classes very similar. They were so excited and hurriedly came to flood me with hugs. After all the hugs were given (which meant the world to me), I talked with them for a few minutes, all 3 classes, sharing with them how beautiful and handsome they looked, how I was sorry for only physically being their teacher for a short period of time this year, but how my thoughts had been with them all year long. I shared how bad I had really wanted to improve and return, but just didn't happen that way. I went on to share how very proud I was of them, how their teachers had been keeping me up to date, as well as my daughter (as she was one of their classmates), and how blessed we were with Mrs. Kyle being able to continue being their substitute all year long. After visiting all 3 classes, I slowly made my way up to the front of the building. I honestly thought and believed I was going to collapse before getting there, but kept fighting forward. My mom was not pleased by the way I looked at all, and though I tried standing and waiting, alongside the other parents, she insisted I sit down until we were able to progress to the auditorium for the 5th grade promotion ceremony. It seemed like hours, though only minutes. I was so exhausted, but tried to put on my strong "have-it-together" composure, and made it to the auditorium. As we were sitting there it was evident how weak and awful I was feeling. My husband, whom had chosen to sit in the back of the auditorium (easy access out to leave) even came to check on me as he could tell I wasn't doing to well. (My mom and I were sitting up front for better pics). We had about 20 mins before the program began, my nausea just continued increasing to the point I felt like I was going to begin heaving, my energy was to the point that I was slooped in my chair in an effort to provide a place to rest my head. The ceremony was great! My daughter made me so very proud, receiving numerous awards for all of her hard work, dedication, and effort this year - even with all of the challenges at home due to my illness and her tearful heartaches from me not being there to be her teacher this year. My pride was at it's highest, though my physical turmoil was becoming unbearable. After returning home, I was able to take in the days' events. Thinking about the ceremony, thinking about the visit. I tried to consider if I had been genuine. Thought about the comments that were made to me by the students, other staff members, and parents. For the most part, the questions were fairly simple and routine, with a simple "I'm hanging in", "I'm happy to be here", "Thank you for your prayers", "I'm so proud of your child" offered as my response. However, the comments-especially from the students- just resonated within me, most of which I chose not to follow with a comment - as I was trying my best to stay positive. Many students and a few parents commented on how different I looked, how I didn't look like myself, and how much weight I have lost. A few years ago these comments would have been welcomed and greatly appreciated, yet now, they are a reminder of my horrendous health journey with an invisible illness that no-one seems to understand. But my day did not end here, it continued on to my daughter's final softball game of the season. I could not let her down, regardless of how bad I felt! I had to pull it together and be there for her. The game was a good one, concentration a bit difficult for me, dizzy spells and heavy eyes interfering for me, but I was there. And that in itself was extremely important. I was unbalanced when it was time to stand up and return to our car, but my chair offered a "cane-like" presence and other cars were great at keeping me upright. I made it to the car successfully and was able to offer my daughter encouragement and celebratory comments. Finally, we were able to return home. A Shower, that I had to sit down and regain energy for prior to. Then bedtime after hugs. No way could I keep my body up, even for just a few minutes. I was a wobbly mess to reckon with. Drifted off to sleep immediately. After a great night of sleep, I woke up mentally refreshed possibly, but symptoms galore. My body literally felt like it had been run over by a train. All of my muscles hurt so bad, nausea intense, and no energy whatsoever. Multiple times I had to stop and save this article, just so I could get some rest and return to writing later. My body is depleted and will need time to recoup. A hot bath was attempted and even relaxing at the moment, but unfortunately was a let down in the long run. As my muscles, lack of energy, and GP symptoms continued. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely!!! Without a doubt. Yesterday was very special in so many ways and emotionally needed. As a teacher, it was great seeing my students and adding closure to this school year. As a mother, I was able to participate in watching my little girl, become a beautiful young lady, walking out of elementary school to begin a new journey through middle school. I was also able to witness her final game this season. Days like this, memories being made with the kids, are what keep me going. This was a day full of pride and worthy of all my energy. Rating on 1-10 scale? 10 for Values of Family and Teaching- Very Special & Memorable day! 2 for Physical Health (As the day progressed, I continued to get weaker and feel worse, no matter how much enjoyment I was finding. I pushed my body to the point of nearly passing out/collapsing, not only once but a couple of times. I didn't care how I was being physically impacted at all - I was all about meeting my other values regardless of the consequences.)
1 Comment
GOD is Wonderful! This summer will make 14 years since I became a mother. Being a mother to 2 wonderful children, has been the most amazing blessing. My stepdaughter making her way into our lives, was an unexpected blessing. I love each of them with all of my heart. They were, still are, and will always be the most important part of my life. They keep me going when times are rough. Seeing their faces, witnessing their compassion, and experiencing their love provides me with strength and comfort when I am ready to give up. I am so very honored that GOD chose ME to be THEIR MOTHER. I never doubted my ability to be a great mother. From a very young age, I knew that I wanted 2 or 3 kids. Since becoming a mom, I have always done my best to teach them how to love others, how to appreciate the little things, and how to be there for family. They are not given everything they want, they do not always get their way, and they are not always perfect. And that is fine because they are well taken care of, have a supportive family, have everything they need (and more), and are loved beyond measure. Being a part of this family is not always easy, especially since my illness. The kids have seen me in excruciating pain, over the toilet with relentless nausea, unexpected hospital visits/stays, and too tired to lift my head. Gastroparesis is not well liked by the kids or me. For a while, I fought as hard as I could to be "normal". (Hopefully I can regain my status to the "pretend to me normal" status soon.) After my initial diagnosis and the placing of my feeding tube, I tried to continue being the same type of active mother I had always been: cooking, ball practices/games, backyard practices, vacations, etc. This past summer, there were days when I was not physically able to be an active participant in their lives. I was tied down to my recliner with my heating pad. Some vacations they took without me. Deep sea fishing and theme park hopping were not on the list of things that I could do. I physically became unable to practice sports in the backyard, became unable to drive, unable to attend their practices, and sometimes even had to miss a game. Eventually, I began feeling as if I was not a good mother. I felt guilty for everything that I was unable to do as their mother. With God's help, I have come to the realization that I was so wrong. Gastroparesis and it's symptoms may have changed me as a mother, but it could not and would not define me as a mother. True, I can't do everything as I had before, but I am still a great mother. I love my kids, all 3 of them, unconditionally. I am their number 1 fan and supporter. I am ALWAYS here for them emotionally. I am so very proud of them and all of their accomplishments. God has blessed our family in so many ways. We may not always know why certain things happen, but we accept HIS plan for us.Being sick or physically down, doesn't change that. I admit, motherhood has altered for me. But hasn't it for everyone. My fears and guilt were senseless. I have not become weak, just different. I continue to teach my children how to become strong and independent adults. I continue to teach my children how to love. I continue to teach them what unconditional love between a mother and child looks like. And I continue to teach them about God's love and blessings. Coincidentally, the very things that made me feel guilty as a result of my illness, have actually been new lessons for my kids. They are now being taught that everything in life is not always perfect, and that's alright. Deeper conversations replace the backyard playing and practice sessions. They are learning how a family support system works. They are learning to never give up and how to always keep hope alive. They are learning how to advocate for themselves and others. They are learning that God works in mysterious ways. They are learning that prayers are answered in God's time. Most importantly, I am their mother and will always be their mother. No illness can ever take that away. My kids will always have my heart and unconditional love. This blog is different from most. It is not about me. It is simply about a victory won in a quest for Gastroparesis Awareness! Exciting news, for me anyway. Melissa, Becky, and I have been in contact with UNC FGIMD center a few times about needing information about Gastroparesis in the public eye. They listened and have been trying to assist us in our mission. They contacted Dr Koch at Wake Forest to write an article about Gastroparesis. YAY! Last week they published their Spring edition of their DIGEST newsletter online and in print. The article about Gastroparesis is very informative for patients, medical providers, and the general public. They definitely did not disappoint me. To add icing on the cake, some of our links were shared in the additional resources section. https://www.med.unc.edu/…/professio…/digest/digestspring2015 Why do I blog? Why do I share my personal life to the public? I was asked this question today. Why? At first I didn't truly know how to respond. Anyone that knows me personally, knows that I am usually a very shy and private person. At least I used to be. Living with Gastroparesis has changed me. I have shared time and time again about it's negative impact on my life. There have been a few positive changes as well, though often hidden or overlooked due the horrible symptoms. New friendships has definitely been the brightest silver lining. Blogging has become the most recent. So why? Blogging came upon me by accident. It began when WEGO Health invited me to partake in a challenge for Health Activist. I agreed to participate and asked my friend to accept the challenge as well. WEGO Health sent us an email with a different prompt for each day of the month. We were to write an entry and then share it on twitter with a #HAWMC. I have to admit that we were surprised when we read some of the prompt ideas. I'm not sure what exactly we were expecting, but we learned very quickly that this challenge was not going to be easy. Some of the prompts were very personal. But you know what? We survived and it was very insightful for me. Blogging opened my eyes to a new world. To begin with, I shared on Twitter and also shared some of the articles relating to Gastroparesis in my Support Groups. After receiving positive feedback from the GP community, I was encouraged to continue writing. But it wasn't until I sat down and actually went back to read my own blogs, that I realized the importance of blogging. I knew that my writing could help others see a different side of me, I never imagined that they helped me see a different side of me. Through my writing, I saw how fragile and bleak my life seems at times while also witnessing my strength, endurance, and faith. While trying to offer hope and inspiration to others living with GP, I was actually inspiring myself. That's when I decided to create my own personal website (blogging) page. I created my blog GastroparesisCrusader.weebly.com to help others understand Gastroparesis while also helping fight for a cure and better treatments. But most importantly, for me. I have found blogging empowering, regardless of the nature or the topic. My writing challenge with WEGO has now ended. I am no longer given a daily prompt to write about. So will I stop writing? Absolutely not. So back to the question. Why do I blog? I blog to educate the public about Gastroparesis. I blog to help spread awareness. I blog to connect with others and hopefully inspire them to keep hope alive. I blog to allow my family and friends understand my life and what the battles I fight. I blog to put my emotions in words. I blog to understand my self. So the question is, do YOU blog? Below is the article I wrote for HealthiVibe.com My name is Trisha and I am sharing my personal story to give you an inside look at what it’s like living with this awful and misunderstood disease: Gastroparesis. In early February 2013, I became sick with what we thought was a common stomach bug. I was unable to eat or receive an adequate amount of fluids orally. Due to the severe abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, dehydration, and fatigue, I progressively got weaker. I spent months seeing various doctors and specialists. On the morning of April 22, my husband was fed up and took me to the nearest university hospital. After seeing that I couldn’t even keep a cracker down, they admitted me for testing and diagnosed me with Gastroparesis. I went home the following week on a liquids-only diet. Unfortunately, I was unable to drink an adequate amount of fluids, became dehydrated, and began having trouble with side effects from one of my medicines. Once again, I had to return to the hospital as an inpatient. It was obvious that I had to receive nutrition; and it was clear that I would not be getting it orally. In May 2013, I had to resort to having a GJ feeding tube placed. The feeds run for hours directly into the small intestine. Over the past 2 years, not much has changed. I still depend on my feeding tube for nutrition today. I have tried a variety of medicines to manage my continuous symptoms of nausea, abdominal pain, fatigue, dehydration, lightheaded/dizziness, and vitamin deficiencies without much success. The past 6 months have been very difficult for me physically and emotionally since I have had trouble tolerating my feeds and the non-stop symptoms. I feel as if I am in a race for my life. Fighting an invisible illness like Gastroparesis (GP) is exhausting. Every day is a new day, some better than others. I am blessed and lucky to have a pretty good support team consisting of God, family, and GP friends. My support team is always there for me when I need a quick pick-me-up. They are always trying to keep me in the race when I no longer feel as if I can keep up. I have come to depend on them and expect them to be there for me no matter how small or big of an emotional adjustment is needed. This past January (2015) I hit an extremely low point in my personal life. I was falling laps behind my counterparts and quickly falling farther and farther behind, drowning in my own sorrows. I was feeling defeated both physically and mentally. I wanted to be able to return to “life” again. I had expected to be strong enough and able to return to teaching, my passion. Fortunately something unexpected happened. I was invited to join an advocacy group. Really? How could this actually help me? How could I possibly help others when I couldn’t even help myself? Following my heart, and ignoring my doubts, I joined this new group, which we named Gastroparesis: Fighting for Change. We immediately had a vision before us; we were going to teach the public about Gastroparesis. Thanks to the advocacy group and my new friends, I was ready to face the Gastroparesis race once again. I was tired of sitting on the sidelines. Slowly, but surely, I began to heal emotionally. Becky introduced me to her amazing support group and Melissa gave me the confidence I needed to face my fears and bring awareness to Gastroparesis. Even though physically I am pretty beat-up and my body feels like it’s literally falling to pieces, my spirit has been lifted and is running once again. I am laps behind ordinary people, yes, but I am still in the race, and that’s what matters. That’s what kept me going and continues to keep me going today. Sharing my personal story has opened my eyes and has allowed me to see myself in a different light. It has ignited a spark that’s empowering. I recently took a moment to step back to reflect on how writing and sharing stories could be helpful, and I realized in that moment that a simple task, like sharing our stories, helps others suffering with Gastroparesis by letting them know that they are not alone. Being an advocate has led me to realize that we are not alone and we are not going to receive better treatment options until we unite and demand to be taken seriously. Gastroparesis is not a stomach ache that comes and goes, but until awareness is brought forth, until the ugly truth about Gastroparesis is told, until people and doctors can comprehend the day-in and day-out struggles of living with Gastroparesis, we will continue to be overlooked and have very limited, ineffective treatment options. We have to stay strong and continue to race with all of our imperfections, scars, and damaged bodies or we will be left out on our own and forgotten. Advocacy page (public)https://www.facebook.com/Gastroparesis.FightingForChange.Page Support page (public)https://www.facebook.com/pages/Gastroparesis-Day-by-Day/455297387941304 Gastroparesis Scoop (newsletter of information, articles, videos, etc all related to Gastroparesis. Information is updated often and can be followed)http://www.scoop.it/t/gastroparesis-by-trisha-high-bundy Follow me on Twitter @bundytr5 Taking a look into the rear view mirror of our life. We've all been here at one time or another; Looking back to see what we could have done differently in our life. Would it have changed our outcome? Would it have made things easier? The truth is that we never know for sure.
Today, I am going to share with you what I wish I would have known at the beginning of my Gastroparesis Journey. For those that have already embarked on this journey, you may be able to relate. For those just beginning with their diagnosis, maybe this will help you. Looking back, I wish I had known that there is nothing wrong with me. Having Gastroparesis is NOT a sign of weakness. People from all different walks of life have Gastroparesis. I did nothing to cause it. There's nothing I could have done to prevent it. It's just one of those things that happened. Possibly part of God's plan to get me to where I am today. So why, a little over 2 years ago, was I so ashamed? Why was I afraid to talk to people about it? Why did I try so very hard to hide my illness from other people? Wearing the "I'm ok" and "nothings wrong" face used up so much of my energy, yet I was determined that I had to pretend everything was alright and that I was so strong. I wish I would have known that I was not alone in this battle. I wish I had known that there were helpful online support groups. Feeling alone and isolated, may be part of the reason I put up a fight to hide my illness. When I was diagnosed, I was not aware of support groups and could find very little if any valuable information on the internet. Doctors, especially in my hometown or in the ER , weren't even familiar with Gastroparesis and the best treatments. I didn't have anyone to talk to about what was happening or how I felt. I didn't have anyone that truly grasped what I was dealing with. My family tried to be there for me, and they still do, but they didn't truly understand. It hurt feeling like I was the only one who knew how awful I felt. It hurt feeling like I was not being heard or taken seriously. I was in misery all alone and by myself, but I'd find out later that I didn't have to be. I honestly felt how hopeless one can feel. Even though I personally never considered suicide, I could see how other's have, and that's one scary feeling. I have felt so low and in so much pain that I just wanted it to end, no matter what. I felt like I was such a burden on my family and even my kids and sometimes believed that they would be better off without me. I know that's not true, but it's amazing the things you think and feel when you are fighting a battle alone. I wish I had known that carrying around my backpack with feeding tube didn't change who I was. I was extremely self-conscious about my feeding tube to begin with. I did my best to not wear it in public or try to mask it. I felt gross and like a freak of nature. I had a love hate relationship with my tube, still do at times. I was disgusted with having a tube inserted in my body. I thought that having this tube was disgraceful. I felt less human. But why? Why was I so determined to be "normal"? What is "normal" anyway? Didn't I know that everyone has their own battles and that there is not a perfect "normal" around? I wish from day one of my illness and especially at the point of diagnosis, that I had more coping skills to help me get through each day, each episode, each flare. Knowing how to accept the illness, find comfort in music, relaxation with a long hot bath or using heating pad, relief by talking or writing about my ailments, etc. It would have been nice to have been able to successfully apply these coping skills earlier. In retrospect, as I look in that rear view mirror, there are things that I wish I had known or recognized earlier. But if given the chance to change them now, would I? I don't think I would. I want others to know they are not alone, not less human, not at fault, not weak, and that there are resources available. I want others to be able to find and apply coping skills to decrease their struggles. However, I wouldn't change my past. Why? Because these experiences, thoughts, and feelings helped me become who I am today. They set forth the path that I believe God has intended for me. Feeling isolated, having difficulty finding resources, feeling ashamed or like a freak; they all helped inspire me to help others. If I had not lived through those experiences, I wouldn't have met Melissa. I wouldn't have become involved with advocacy or better yet, never even considered advocacy. I wouldn't have found passion in sharing my story to help others, fight for awareness, or demand more resources and better treatment options. Now, I know that I can be strong without pretending. Strength is shown by sharing my story, by helping others, and being real. Through my struggles I found myself. I found an outlet for my frustations: Advocating via blogging, emailing, Twitter, Facebook, support groups, etc.. Nothing is going to stop me. I have a spark and determination within me. Yes, the debilitating and horrendous symptoms of Gastroparesis may knock me down, may even try to hold me down, but I WILL get back up. Even if it takes a few days or weeks. I will no longer sit in silence! I completely grasp loneliness, and I will do everything in my power so that others don't have to realize that feeling. I will NEVER GIVE UP!! My closing remarks and advice for those newly diagnosed with Gastroparesis, or any other chronic illness is that there is no reason to hide who you really are. You are You, and there's no one ever exactly like You. So be the real You and great things will happen. You are NEVER going to be able to please everyone, or make everyone happy. So be true to yourself and happiness will be discovered. Learn from your experiences, allow them to make you stronger. Remember that you are never alone. Reach out for a helping hand when needed. When possible offer a helping hand to others. Find a way to have your voice heard. Whether it's social media, writing, singing, talking - you have a purpose and you have a message. Use it. You will be amazed how better you will feel mentally and emotionally. You will have difficult days. You will have days you want to give up. And that's ok! Just hold on hope and stand back up. You are a warrior, you are a fighter, you are a crusader - just like me! Everyday as I read post on Facebook, read messages on Inspire, read other's blogs, and read "tweets" I am reminded of how many unique, compassionate, and strong people I truly know. The majority of these brave warriors I have never met in person, and most likely never will. However, our connections, our discussions, our prayers, our tears, our frustrations, our support for each other is so much greater and more in-depth than with our other "in-person" friends. It doesn't matter if they have Gastroparesis, Crohn's , Colitis, or some other chronic digestive disorder, we truly understand each other. And understanding is sometimes all that we desire. These connections, these friendships, are more meaningful than most even realize. We can truly "see" each other's invisible battles and help each other fight through them. We don't have to hide. We don't have to put on a mask. We don't have to pretend to be feeling well. We don't have to pretend to have control over our condition. We can be "real" again. We can openly share our troubles and gain strength from others while at the same time giving hope to one another. We can be honest about what is bothering us (medically, physically, emotionally, etc) because we know someone is truly listening, someone that can relate. We can cry and laugh together over situations that others can't even imagine. We can share and receive the best possible advice. We can work together to bring awareness publicly. I never truly grasped this until recently. As a part of our advocacy group (Gastroparesis: Fighting for Change) we started sharing our stories via email, letters, and openly on the internet. (Yes, this frightened me more than anyone will ever know.) I knew it was for a great cause. I admit the public, including medical providers and researchers, needs to be aware of Gastroparesis, so hesitantly I began sharing my story. Now most, especially those that are not affected, are probably sick and tired of reading my post. But that's alright. What I didn't know was how much it would help me and others like me. Melissa and her idea of this advocacy group found me at a point when I was in despair. I had begun giving up hope. I was depressed and felt alone in my suffering. I knew my family wanted to understand, they just couldn't. I knew my family wanted to help me, they just couldn't. And knowing how helpless they felt just made me feel more helpless and alone. That's when I was asked to join the newly forming advocacy group, which at that point had no name. I was weary and skeptical, but at that point figured why not? Now, just a few months later, I see the blessing. I see the rainbow in my darkest storm. God has set me on a path, which I am trying my best to understand and follow. Being a part of the advocacy group led me to sharing my inner most battles with Gastroparesis for anybody in the world to read. At first, there was too much fear for me to grasp. But now, I am enlightened. I am empowered. I am a peace. Yes, I still have my struggles with Gastroparesis. Yes, I still feel awful. I am nauseous and fatigued to levels that only other GPers can understand. Yes, I hurt. Yes, I still want to eat but instead am struggling to receive adequate nutrition in my feeding tube. But you know what - that's ok! We all have our battles and we will eventually overcome them. I may not have all the answers. I may not like my options. But I can't sit back and drown in misery over the unknowns or the things that are out of my control. I have to do my best to "live", however it may be, until new treatments become available. I will not let Gastroparesis win, and neither should you. I hear constantly how strong I am and how I am a ray of hope. I hear about how stories like mine and other GP friends have helped inspire others. I have received messages about how reading my story provided strength at a time when they were considering ending their life. I have been told that reading about the faith I have has improved their faith. That if I can still stand strong after what I've been through, then so can they. You know what? My strength has not come solely from within. I have gained a lot of strength from God. What's ironic is the same people, people surviving with Gastroparesis and other invisible illnesses, are the ones that inspire me. You are the ones who provide me strength with your posts and stories. You are the ones whose struggles, push me to fight even harder for awareness. I am not strong alone. I am just as weak, torn, and frustrated as many of you. But we have to stick together. As a team, we are no longer alone! As a team, we can help each other up! As a team, we can fight for a cure! As a team, we can win! Quitting is not an option! If you feel weak, reach out and we'll catch you! We will not let you fall. Just reach out, please. You're a warrior! Keep up the great fight! ` I have had many accomplishments over the years, but very few that I can claim as my own. My accomplishments with education are to be shared with my family, especially my dad, for holding high expectations and supporting me along the way. My public teaching accomplishments (Teacher of Year, WRAL Teacher of the Week) are not mine alone. They are a result of working alongside talented teachers, under wonderful administration, and teaching amazing students. My children are my proudest accomplishments of all, yet they offer me too many proud moments to share. Once again, they are shared with God, Glen, and the rest of my family. As anyone who knows me knows, I don't talk a lot about myself. I am shy by nature and like to enjoy my accomplishments, no matter how large or small, with my family and closest friends, not with the public. Which makes this journal entry difficult. However, in order to accept the challenge, I will describe one of my accomplishments in more detail. Noting that once again, it was not just me that made this accomplishment possible. It is no secret that I am a teacher and I love my career choice. Something about being in the classroom, in front of 28 - 30 elementary students, and knowing that they are full of unlimited potential excites me. I LOVE being responsible in helping my students learn to cooperate together, challenge their minds, and realize that the world is wide open for them. Anything IS truly possible if they believe in themselves, work toward their goals, and capture their dreams. However, this task is not an easy task by far. Students come in the classroom with their own stories. Some are confident, others unsure and doubtful. Regardless, their futures are unwritten. They are the writers and my responsibility is to spend one school year teaching them the required curriculum, but most important, teaching them to realize how magnificent they really are and how not to limit their dreams or sell themselves short. Remember though, I am not alone in this task. The students, themselves, are the essential ingredient to success with assistance from his/her family, other teachers, friends, God, etc. By definition accomplishment means "the successful achievement of a task". So how do I know if I truly made a difference in a child's life, especially being that many of my students I may not see again? The only way I know how to measure my success is by the hugs I receive when running into them, their siblings excitement to be in my class and share what they've heard from their older brother or sister, and even the occasional students that actually drive themselves to visit me at the school where I had previously taught them 6+ years earlier. One of my past students reached out to me earlier this year. And it's his story that I have choosen to share. I believe that it was in the Fall of 2008 (Sorry years seem to run together now.) Many new faces were entering my 5th grade classroom for the first time. The majority of them smiling, saying good morning, and finding their seats eager for a new school year. Except one, he came in and threw himself down in his desk. It was clear that he was not happy and far away from eager to be there. At that time, I knew that I had a remarkable year ahead of me. Why, you ask? Because it was clear and evident that God had placed him under my supervision so that I could change his outlook and help him see his inner potential by finding himself. When asked what he saw himself doing in the future he didn't know. As the year progressed, we were able to find common ground to work on. We were able to trust and respect each other, which in return allowed us to tackle and overcome all obstacles. When that occurs, the magic of teaching happens. Does that mean we agreed all the time? Absolutely not, we challenged each other often, especially when it came to oral speaking, writing, or even sports. (He was a Syracuse Orange and Dallas Cowboy fan, me not so much. I was a Carolina Tarheel fan and it just happened to be the year that we won the championship. Placing a box of tissues on a few desks the following morning, including his was fun. These connections are what help break down barriers.) This student had many strengths, though didn't recognize them all the time. He soared in reading and math. If I remember correctly, he even made straight A's at the end of the school year. In the spring, I asked him again what he foresaw himself doing in the future, he revealed that he wanted to be a doctor. Self worth had been discovered. You see while others saw and focused on the outer appearance of sagging pants and judging him as not caring, I focused my time and efforts on the inner potential, the "real" person. A belt can quickly fix sagging pants, but trust and believing in oneself, that sets the foundation for the much more important future. Years have passed, students have come and gone. But a few months ago I was so proud. I received an email from a past student, yes the one mentioned above. He stated that I had made a difference in his life. He even went as far as to say that he was a "trouble" until he entered my classroom. But things had changed. Now he plays soccer and runs track for his high school. And what's even more impressive, he wanted me to write a letter of recommendations for his college application - as he wants to attend college and currently plans to become a sports therapist. How remarkable is that? I honestly broke down in tears as I felt extremely honored and much pride in HIS accomplishments. Yes HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS! He believes in himself and sees a bright future for himself. You see that inward belief of an amazing future, where anything and everything is possible, that's my inspiration and reason for teaching. That's the accomplishment I wish to have at the end of each school year with all of my students. Am I always successful? Absolutely not. Will I always hear about my impact in one's life? No. Will I be remembered by all of my students? No. But when I do hear of THEIR accomplishments and they seek to find me and share their successes with me or thank me - then yes, I believe it's my honor to feel accomplished along with them. |
Trisha BundyA proud mother, educator, Gastroparesis & GI Motility Disorder Advocate, Like my content? Want to thank me with a small token of appreciation? https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LH7R639ORBML?ref_=wl_share
Categories
All
More Blog Entries
March 2024
|